Businessman: Noun – One who has all the air, the distraction and restlessness and hurry of a criminal.
The world of business terrifies me. It’s full of Alan Sugars and people who shout because they like shouting. I watched that ‘Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps’ movie last year and the character of Gordon Gekko made me seriously consider joining an Amish community. Unfortunately the sort of MAN that commands respect by building barns and growing beards is not a kind of MAN I want to become. Money is power, and the businessMAN has both.
Any MAN worth his salt must climb the business ladder at some point in his life. I’ve mentioned Shugs already, but I’ll use him as an example again because I don’t think there is a better archetype. Though he may be a bit of a sour faced old goat, he certainly knows how to make money. Just from watching The Apprentice, I’m assuming part of his knowledge includes selling fish, designing perfume bottles and finding strange Arabian alarm clocks. ‘Baggs the Brand’ underestimated Sugar, and Sugar underestimated Raef the Toff – We’ll applaud him for the former, and just forgive him for the latter.
I’ve always struggled to hold down a job. I once got fired from a Londis position for allowing a customer to barter down the price of a bottle of Whiskey. It was only by a couple of quid, I thought the boss would be impressed at my reluctance to budge. He wasn’t. In terms of more serious employment, I suppose two weeks work experience at back alley accountants is the closest I’ve come. I actually started off doing proper accountancy work. That was until they realised my incompetence for simple maths and promoted me to chief photocopier, not ideal. I don’t want to be an accountant any more – in case you were wondering – I couldn’t get the hang of photocopying and I fear ‘tea-boy’ would be the next rung in the corporate ladder.
I think the businessMAN is more of a mindset than a title. He acts with intelligence and oozes success. I’ve a long way to go. I act like an idiot and ooze meat sweat. I am however willing to learn and there is no doubt that a BusinessMAN has to be ruthless to get to the top. Although it’s arguable his power begins and ends at his tailors hands. If we even want an eyebrow raise (let alone one of monetary value), we are going to have to begin dressing as the sartorial expectancy dictates.