Unless the whole the creepy killer clown craze has made you want to skip going out this year, chances are you’re going to need a costume for Halloween.
And when it comes to the spookiest night of the year, people fall into one of two camps: those who start planning in July and the slackers who are forced to pull something together in a terrifyingly short period of time.
Luckily for those in the latter camp, if your wardrobe is well stocked with staples (we don’t just mean the sort holding Frankenstein’s monster together) and you’ve been following the season’s trends, you should find it much easier to nail something last minute.
As the editors of FashionBeans show here, the most stylish screams are already hiding in your wardrobe… sleep tight.
The dilemma of what to go as for Halloween is made infinitely harder by having a child (ironic, given a few sleepless nights provide the perfect base for a ‘walking dead’ look).
My heart tells me to go with the usual blood, guts and gore of an unlucky surfer, ejector seat helicopter pilot, crazed maniac wielding a butcher’s knife (the list goes on), but my head tells me therapy is expensive.
So this year I’m using Halloween as an excuse to invest in a key layering piece for the months ahead. Along with keeping me warm, a lightweight gilet teamed with Levi’s jeans, a check shirt and denim jacket offers the perfect Marty McFly mix. Hoverboard optional.
Patagonia Down Sweater Vest, available at End Clothing, priced £129.
Patrick Bateman is a bad man. You can’t even call him an anti-hero. That’d mean there were some redeeming qualities to be gleaned. But that’s not to say a bad man can’t have a good wardrobe.
In Bateman’s case, it’s a meticulous 1980s power-suit affair, which is great for Halloween, especially if you want to play the serial killer part without wearing a rubber mask that smells like a dog in a hot car.
All you need is a pinstriped two-piece, plastic axe and transparent festival poncho. For extra points, dig out an old cassette player, slick the hair back and blood soak the cheeks. Et voila: A Wall Street psycho scarier than Dorsia’s waiting list.
Jort Blue Suit, available at SuitSupply, priced £699.
Most fashion-y Halloween costumes lampoon industry icons, like Anna Wintour say, or Karl Lagerfeld in all his black-and-white finery. But I can’t help but feel these take-offs miss the point slightly. See, I stand firmly in the Halloween-costumes-should-be-scary camp. What you put on should transform you into the stuff of abject terror, the mere sight of which sends people fleeing in fear. I’m talking nightmarish visions, not whimsical gags.
Which is why this year, I’ll be going as Terry Richardson. I mean, is there anything more terrifying?
(Simply complete with 1970s clear-lens aviators, camera, smattering of dodgy facial hair and a phone with a very, very good lawyer on speed dial.)
Long Sleeve Check Shirt, available at BoohooMAN, priced £15.
You only have to look at recent data carved up by Pornhub showing a 500 per cent increase in Halloween-related searches to see that once you’ve reached adulthood, All Hallows’ Eve is a markedly different affair.
It might be the scariest time of the year for kids, but it’s nothing compared to the actual horrors of grown-up life (credit card charges, mortgages, your boss etc.).
So rather than waste your money on a cheaply-made costume that comes in a plastic sleeve, invest in something that chimes with trends and can be worn beyond the witching hour. Like a jumpsuit, which for one night can double as the makings of a mechanic, serial killer or Top Gun’s Maverick. Who knows, you might even be someone’s fantasy.
AAA Black Ripped Jumpsuit, available at Topman, priced £75.