In many relationships, the female orgasm is like the Loch Ness monster: rarely heard or seen, and the few times it has were probably fake. Sorry, fellas.
However, the problem isn’t with your member – as many as 50 per cent of women say they cannot reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. This is where oral sex comes in.
To turn you into a pleasure powerhouse, FashionBeans’ sex and relationship columnist, and escort-turned-author, Rebecca Dakin, has pulled together her top tips for going south of the border.
Create The Mood
Just like eating out at a nice restaurant; dining at the Y is made all the more enjoyable with the right mood. Think about ambience – soft lighting, aromatherapy oils, bath, and massage all make the perfect build up to the main course. The more relaxed she is, the more she will enjoy your newfound oral skills and the more chance she will have of reaching an orgasm.
Generally, women find it most comfortable to receive oral sex while lying on their back. Don’t mistake doing it on the bed for being vanilla – it will ensure her back is supported and that she has plenty of room for movement in the throes of ecstasy.
Even though the attention is on her, don’t forget to make yourself comfortable, too. Nothing is less sexy than you having to stop half way through because of cramp. Try putting a pillow under her to raise her hips up for easier access.
We get it, you’re a man on a mission and want to get down to business, but don’t head straight for the vagina. Take time to explore her erogenous zones. If you don’t know where they are, have fun finding them. See the body as a big dot-to-dot and caress, lick, nibble and kiss from top to toe, before you even think about going near the good stuff.
There is no right or wrong technique, it’s about finding what works for your partner. Try different styles of tongue action and make a mental reminder of anything that got a particularly strong reaction.
That said, remember to mix it up with short flicks of the tongue, gentle sucks, nibble and kisses to keep the sensations new and fresh. The clitoris contains around 8,000 nerve endings (twice as many as the penis) so avoid direct contact, as this can be uncomfortable or even painful; instead, go around it unless told otherwise.
Feedback And Physiology
One of the most important things you can do is watch her body and how it responds to what you are doing. Listen out for short intakes of breath, murmured words of appreciation, muscle spasms, twitches and tension in the body, these signs will tell you what she likes.
Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback as this will give you confirmation and guidance that you’re on the right track.
Toys And Hands
The tongue may be one of the strongest muscles in the body, but women can take a long time to orgasm so both of these can be used for keeping the momentum going while giving your mouth a break.
Licking around the clitoris while using a finger, thumb or toy inside her also allows you to stimulate the G-Spot (which is about two inches into the vaginal opening on the front wall) at the same time.
The Big Finish
Don’t put pressure on her to orgasm by asking if she’s nearly there or how long it’ll be – you’re not waiting for a bus. This will pretty much guarantee she doesn’t (and two definitely won’t come along at once). Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t come, and certainly don’t make a big deal out of it, as you’ll both end up feeling bad.
If, however, she says she’s about to climax – don’t stop what you are doing under any circumstances, don’t change pressure or technique, keep the consistency going and take her all the way.