FashionBeans: Men's Fashion & Men's Style Guide
15-12-2013 08:44 PM
Where to go for advice?
Where can I go for fashion advice? I am asking for personal face-to-face counseling, not from an online source. I am not an attractive guy. I know this because of the way I am treated. Say for example I go to a social setting in attempt to meet new people. I might walk up to a woman and say 'Hello'. She will show no interest whatsoever. Women will often pick up their phones as soon as I approach them, or in some cases, just walk away while I am in mid-sentence. Keep in mind I am not being a pervert. I will ask typical get-to-know-you questions like 'what's your name' and 'do you have any hobbies'. These are also in socially-accepted places to meet people, not somewhere like the grocery store where people are expected to mind their own business. Women will find any excuse to avoid being around me. This is one of many signs that tell me I am ugly. The problem is that I cannot see my own ugliness in the mirror. I think I look fine, so obviously I am blind to my mistakes. I've seen people who I think are ugly (from an aesthetic perspective only) who would have been more attractive if they worn different clothes, took care of their health and hygiene, and just did a few things a bit differently. Of course, I would never give a stranger this advice. I would appreciate if someone would show me my mistakes and show me what I can do to look a bit better. Where can I go for this advice? I know beauty is only skin deep and is an insignificant thing to worry about, but when you become lonely because of your ugliness, it becomes a problem. I just want to be able to complete a sentence when speaking to a woman before she runs away!
16-12-2013 01:02 PM
I very much doubt you're being rejected purely because of the way you look. Believe it or not most women aren't as shallow as us men and don't base everything on looks. You must be doing something else wrong. Good fashion and style can obviously help you in that department but confidence would take you much further. If you're confident they'll be interested in speaking to you regardless of how you look. Being well-dressed can obviously help with the way you feel and boost this. If I were you I'd start by trying to engage them in humorous ways rather than asking them job interview style questions they're probably bored of being asked.
16-12-2013 02:22 PM
Sorry to hear you're feeling like that bud. Difficult to feel confident when you've had a few rejections.
You're right - how you dress can have a big impact on how you feel, and how you come across. How do you dress currently? And what sort of image would you like to have? Have you seen any models or actors or whatever, and you think "yeah, that's the sort of thing I would like to wear"? Maybe get some inspiration, then come back for more specific advice.
I know there are personal stylists about, but they won't come cheap.
Also, are you going for the right women? Tbh the sort of woman that won't even engage you in polite conversation (regardless of how you look) can do one! Maybe try finding someone who has similar interests as you?
17-12-2013 12:04 PM
Very good advice. Asking someone if they have any hobbies as an ice-breaker might well not be the way to go. It is perfectly decent question once you want to know more about someone but not a great starting point for conversation - it is the sort of question that people find very hard to answer naturally when forced to think about it and can kill a conversation stone dead if they respond with something you know absolutely nothing about.
Originally Posted by Gibbe84
Much better to try and amuse women (or people in general, for that matter). Once you've got into conversation you can ask them some questions but things like hobbies and interests will come out naturally as you talk. Of course, being witty or amusing isn't easy sometimes and finding a natural and spontaneous way to start chatting can be hard. The best advice I can give here is to try not to put too much pressure on yourself. A lot of people you speak to on a night out aren't going to be interested in you, me or anyone else necessarily. Appearing too desperate or pushy isn't charming or attractive either. If you are putting yourself out there and giving it a go you'll begin to learn what works and what doesn't.
Sorry none of that is an answer to the question you asked. I agree that making an effort to look better is bound to be a good thing but personal stylists aren't going to be cheap.
Nat's advice about finding someone else's style that appeals and then taking elements of that to make yourself feel better is good, however, and definitely worth a try