Like many of you, I read Matt Allison’s fantastic ‘How To Tell If You’re A Menswear Addict’ article a couple of weeks ago and began mentally checking myself in to ‘Menswear Anonymous’, as I’m sure most of you did. It’s not until you take an analytical step back and look at your daily routine that you realise how a passing interest may have turned into an everyday addiction.

After finishing Matt’s article and assessing my wardrobe – only to find that I have three of the same white Gap t-shirt (one still with the labels on) – I switched my attention to my grooming routine. Yes FashionBeans readers, it would appear that menswear isn’t the only addiction in my life.

The film buffs among you may be familiar with the opening scene of cult classic thriller American Psycho (video below for those of you who aren’t) where the main character, Patrick Bateman, played by Christian Bale, runs viewers through his morning routine in typically intense fashion. My girlfriend likes to jokingly point out that there are a lot of similarities between me and Mr Bateman, and I have to admit, I think she may be right.

Before he goes on a psychopathic rampage and chops Jared Leto into small pieces, the attention to detail in his routine is very similar to that of a men’s grooming product junkie: the application of his ‘Deep Pore Cleanser Lotion’, the ‘Water Activated Gel Cleanser’, his ‘Honey Almond Body Scrub’ and finally his ‘Herb Mint Facial Mask’. He even has time to explain why alcohol based aftershave lotions are bad for your skin.

This is what life is like if you’re a men’s grooming addict.

Patrick Bateman’s Daily Grooming Routine

Disclaimer: there is no direct correlation between mass murder and men’s grooming products. Nor was Jared Leto harmed in the writing of this article.

How To Tell If You’re A Men’s Grooming Addict
1. Buying New Products As A ‘Want’ Rather Than A ‘Need’

You’re flicking through Shortlist and see an advert for the new ClarinsMen product, but it’s OK because you already have two moisturisers, a night cream and a serum.

Then you pass the Clarins stand in Boots and think that it would be rude not to try it. The next thing you know you’re walking out of the store with the newly released product, as well as the accompanying eye cream.

For you, grooming products aren’t something you buy once you’ve run out of the one you’re using – you have a plethora of options at any one time and you’re not afraid to have one, two or three products in your arsenal as back up. Whether you’re trying a new release or stocking up on an old favourite, you never know when you might need three different hair styling products, right?

2. Your Wash Bag Resembles Hand Luggage

Going away for the weekend? Better reach for the big wash bag.

You’ll be needing a shampoo, conditioner, face wash, face scrub, body wash, face moisturiser, face serum, eye cream, lip balm, hand cream, body moisturiser, deodorant, eau de toilette and one or two styling products. You know, the basics.

Just to make things even harder for you, here is a selection of our favourite wash bags currently on the market:

  • Penfield Danbury Burgundy Wash BagPenfield Danbury Burgundy Wash Bag
  • Allsaints Field Wash BagAllsaints Field Wash Bag
  • Gentlemans Hardware Wash BagGentlemans Hardware Wash Bag
  • John Lewis Made In Italy Leather Wash BagJohn Lewis Made In Italy Leather Wash Bag
  • Jasper Conran Designer Black Rectangular Wash BagJasper Conran Designer Black Rectangular Wash Bag
  • Want Les Essentiels De La Vie Kenyatta Cotton-canvas Wash BagWant Les Essentiels De La Vie Kenyatta Cotton-canvas Wash Bag
3. You’re A Brand Name Junkie

Just the mention of Clinique, Lab Series or American Crew and your ears prick up. You can forget Dolce & Gabanna or Paul Smith, the big names you’re interested in are the ones at the top of the grooming market.

Brands like Hairbond, Wingman and Bluebeards Revenge bursting onto the scene are tracked in the same way that NME stalks new bands. And not only that, you’re (unashamedly) a bit of a snob about it, because the mention of supermarket brands is pretty much blasphemous.

Need to satisfy your craving? Here are some of our highly recommended products from some of the best grooming brands on the market:

  • Lab Series Skincare For Men Multi-action Face Wash 100mlLab Series Skincare For Men Multi-action Face Wash 100ml
  • Deodorising Wipes Pack Of 8Deodorising Wipes Pack Of 8
  • Grooming Cream 85gmGrooming Cream 85gm
  • Hairbond – Moulder Hair Shaper 100mlHairbond - Moulder Hair Shaper 100ml
  • Clinique Face ScrubClinique Face Scrub
  • Re-charge Black Pepper Shave OilRe-charge Black Pepper Shave Oil
  • The Bluebeards Revenge Luxury Shaving Cream Tub 100mlThe Bluebeards Revenge Luxury Shaving Cream Tub 100ml
  • Deep Pore Cleansing Clay Anthony LogisticsDeep Pore Cleansing Clay Anthony Logistics
  • Bulldog Natural Skincare Original After Shave Balm 75mlBulldog Natural Skincare Original After Shave Balm 75ml
4. You Know (And Understand) Product Ingredients

Caffeine doesn’t just keep you awake at work, and glycolic acid isn’t something from a science project. They’re just two of the many ingredients that make premium skincare products as effective as they are.

If thinning hair is a concern then you know that a caffeine shampoo will help boost the thickness of your barnet, but if skin ageing is more daunting, then reach for the glycolic acid rich formulas.

True grooming gurus know this kind of geekery, and they know how to use it to their advantage:

  • Wella Sp Men Maxximum Shampoo 250mlWella Sp Men Maxximum Shampoo 250ml
  • Alpecin Caffeine Shampoo C1 250mlAlpecin Caffeine Shampoo C1 250ml
  • Alpecin Double Effect Shampoo 200mlAlpecin Double Effect Shampoo 200ml
  • Glycolic Facial CleanserGlycolic Facial Cleanser
  • Alpha-h Balancing Moisturiser With 10% Glycolic Acid 50mlAlpha-h Balancing Moisturiser With 10% Glycolic Acid 50ml
  • Jack Black Line Smoother Face Moisturiser 97mlJack Black Line Smoother Face Moisturiser 97ml
5. You Try And Share Knowledge At Every Opportunity

I suppose this is the grooming addict characteristic that I embody the most. But publishing a blog, recording a YouTube video or writing an article isn’t the only way to pass on grooming knowledge you’ve built up.

If you’ve ever turned to another guy in the changing rooms and recommended a thickening shampoo – top work. If you’ve ever pointed a total stranger towards the best aftershave balm – I salute you!

Personal recommendations, hints, tips and ‘how to’ advice is how we all improve our routines – grooming addicts know this better than anyone else.

Final Word

Surely I can’t be the only grooming addict out there? A problem shared is a problem halved, so ‘fess up and leave your grooming addict confessions via the comments section below…