For all intents and purposes, the fact that you are here, reading this, signals that you’re a) not a douchebag and b) on a quest to be the best-dressed version of yourself. Kudos. With this in mind, we’ve shortlisted five of the most offensive items of clothing a would-be stylish man can own – all of which may well be hanging in your wardrobe at this very moment, ready to break out this season. However, we would urge you to remove and banish these monstrosities into sartorial obscurity with immediate effect, should you wish to achieve your goal of being expertly attired.
Swap: Comedy Slogan T-shirts
How are people supposed to know you’re a funny guy if you don’t wear a T-shirt with an obnoxious slogan slapped across it, right? WRONG. Comedy T-shirts are the devil’s work and pulling one on is about as socially corrosive as sharing a wardrobe with your old man. Of course, it’s fine to show some personality through your choice of clothing, perhaps by integrating clever idiosyncratic flourishes into your outfit here and there (think pocket squares, natty ties and lapel pins with tailoring). But when it comes to tees, do yourself a favour and keep it classic in a plain crew neck or something with a subtle print.
For: Plain Or Printed T-Shirts
Key Pieces
- Gap Essential Pocket T-shirt
- Asos Slim Fit T-shirt With Crew Neck
- He By Mango Chest-pocket Soft Egyptian-cotton T-shirt
- Asos T-shirt With Aztec Print In Relaxed Skater Fit
- He By Mango Striped Cotton T-shirt
- He By Mango Floral Print Cotton T-shirt
- Uniqlo Men Packaged Dry Crew Neck Short Sleeve T-shirt
- James Perse V-neck Cotton-jersey T-shirt
- Reiss Ascot Button-down Oxford Shirt Sky Blue
- Ami Slim-fit Cotton Oxford Shirt
Swap: Beaded/Wooden Jewellery
Did you achieve fame in a 1990s boyband or lead the pack in an early 2000s frat boy film franchise? Oh, you didn’t? Then snatch that wooden beaded necklace off right this second, son. If you’re a regular reader, then your wardrobe game is obviously ridiculously tight, so there’s no sense in undermining that by flirting with the kind of jewellery best left to surfer bros and men with ankles tattoos. Instead, if you must adorn yourself, do so with some understated chains, rings and bracelets, such as the ones below. Carefully chosen, a classic design will never date and is an effortless way to add personality to your look.
For: Classic & Understated Jewellery
Key Pieces
- Icon Brand Rope Ring
- Seven London Leather-detail Silver Band Ring
- Nialaya Cable Ring
- Tateossian Sterling Silver Woven Bangle
- Paul Smith Shoes & Accessories Woven-leather Wrap Bracelet
- Miansai Hook Leather Anchor Bracelet
- Simon Carter Antique Finish Claw Necklace Exclusive To Asos
- Icon Brand Arrow Necklace In Silver
- Topman Create Multi Link Chain Necklace
Swap: Cargo Shorts
In years past, there was very much a ‘more the merrier’ mentality where pockets were concerned. Cargo shorts came with a frightening display of enormous sagging pouches to stow, well, whatever a man needed to shuttle about. Nowadays, mercifully, the need to transport anything more than your iPhone and a debit card has rendered these pockets completely senseless and, as a result, the cargo short has been banished from shop shelves. But if you’re still the dubiously proud owner of a pair, we would urge to do yourself a favour and exchange them for slim-fitting chino shorts as soon possible. Not only do smarter cuts stop you from teetering on the precipice of seriously uncool, but they can be dressed up or down on your say so.