Pickup trucks have moved on a bit from the old Toyota Hilux that Clarkson and co tried – and failed – to destroy on Top Gear a few years ago. Far from being a utilitarian load-lugger, the right truck is now something for you – rather than your gardener – to be seen in.

Think of it as the perfect accessory to complete that lumbersexual look.

Cadillac Escalade EXT

There are some that consider the standard Escalade brash and vulgar. And they’re right. It’s also absolutely badass. And, until 2013, there was only one way it could be improved on; by turning it into a truck.

Caddy turned the bling up to 150 per cent with the Escalade EXT, adding more chrome than a car park of souped-up Fiestas in Basildon. Ostentatious? Perhaps. But when you look this good, you want people to notice you.

Ford F-150

The F-150 is the most popular ‘car’ in North America. Ford has two plants dedicated to producing just this – indeed the Rouge Plant in Detroit is one of the US’ most historic industrial sites.

The F-150 Limited is a brute that’s more than capable of towing a boat but, inside, is all Mojave leather and mod cons. Fitted with 22-inch rims and available in a bespoke range of colours – including Blue Jeans – this is one personal import we’d carefully consider.

Land Rover Defender

The pickup is one of a plethora of body styles that the veteran 4×4 was available in. Sadly, it’s no longer in production, but as they were bombproof, around 75 per cent of all Landies ever produced are still on the road. And they were produced since 1948.

(Related: The cars that should never have been discontinued)

So if you want one, all you need to do is get scanning the classifieds. We’d go for a late-model pickup, in black with graphite alloys and tinted windows. You’ll look like you’re driving something from Lara Croft’s garage.

Lamborghini LM002

Want a Lamborghini but need to traverse bumpy fields? Then the latest Aventador probably isn’t right for you. But the LM002 could solve your problem.

The Lambo was the original supercharged 4×4; powered by the engine from the legendary Countach, it put out 480 horsepower – some contemporary Ferraris can’t match that.

It was also rather good off-road – before turning its hand to supercars, Lamborghini started out building tractors, so they had previous with the great outdoors. The tractors, however, weren’t swathed in leather. Or available with options like a clock costing $10,000. Supremely vulgar. Faster than a Hummer. Want.

Mercedes-Benz Pickup

Not a lot is known about Merc’s truck yet but, if you wait another year or two, you’ll be able to drive around in a pickup with a three-pointed star on the front.

They’ll be a utilitarian-spec model for people using it as a work vehicle, but there will also be a full-on luxury model, which is what we’re most looking forward to. We can guess two things about it: a) it’ll be pimped-out with every gadget going and b) it won’t be cheap. Start saving.