For every Tom Ford nugget of pure style wisdom, there’s a clanger of epic proportions from people who should, frankly, know better. We’re looking at you, Lagerfeld.

While we’re always keen to showcase the knowledge that’ll actually benefit your wardrobe, cataloguing the most WTF soundbites can help safeguard it, too. Disclaimer: we advise you take a deep, deep breath.

“People could say, ‘What do you mean you want to help the world and you’re so concerned about fashion?’ It’s illegal to be naked. It’s not illegal to not listen to music.” – Kanye West
Luckily, Mr West, it’s not illegal to not wear clothes. Although, judging by Yeezy Season 3, you’re campaigning for that to be the case after #Kanye2020.

“Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” – Karl Lagerfeld
Nobody’s told Karl about athleisure yet, then?

“I like fashion to go down to the street, but I can’t accept that it should originate there.” – Coco Chanel
Trying telling that to Supreme, who made a multi-million dollar company from that very thing.

“People have told me about organised crime in the fashion industry, but I can’t talk about that. I’m looking to stay alive.” – Calvin Klein
Mess with the mobsters of the style world as expect to wake up with a horse’s head in your bed (or worse, a pair of bootcut jeans).

“When a person is in fashion, all they do is right.” – Lord Chesterfield
Right and wrong can change. Like Justin Timberlake’s hair.

“Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women’s clothes. Men who like women never notice what they wear.” – Anatole France
Granted, this was said sometime between the 1840s and 1960s. But in 2017 the ‘fashion is just for gay men’ stereotype is pure reductive.

“The worst is a fashion designer who talks all the time of his or her creativity, what they are, how the evolved. Just shut up and do it.” – Karl Lagerfeld
Or, you know, you could just talk instead about Adele’s weight, how Meryl Streep is ‘cheap’, Pippa Middleton’s looks, Michelle Obama’s hair, etc. etc. and so on and so forth.

“I don’t design clothes. I design dreams.” – Ralph Lauren
Sure, a Ralph Oxford shirt can be pretty dreamy. But it’s not worthy of your headspace in the Land of Nod.

“Always dress like it’s the best day of your life.” – Anon
What, your wedding?

“Always dress like you’re going to see your worst enemy.” – Kimora Lee Simmons
Though if you turn up in a Patrick Bateman raincoat, you may be giving the game away.

“When in doubt, wear red.” – Bill Blass
If you’re an ageing toff, that is. Otherwise, we’d strongly advise playing it safe with neutrals.

“What I hate is nasty, ugly people. The worst is ugly short men. Women can be short, but for men it is impossible.” – Karl Lagerfeld
Weighing in at a lofty, er, 5 foot 8, King Karl seems to have forgotten about the man in the mirror.