Let’s face it: You’ve got about two months left to get a number one hit, or at least get onto page four of NME magazine, to wangle a VIP Glastonbury ticket. And considering how long that guitar’s been in the garage for, you’ve got more chance of sneaking in pretending to be Ed Sheeran’s older brother.

So if you fancy the VIP experience, but don’t have the musical ability or a network of industry pals, we’ve sorted the best top tier tickets that you can actually get your hands on this summer.

Coachella, California

Best For: Celeb spotting

Even the slum sections of Coachella look more like the set of a Hollister shoot than the usual post-apocalyptic festival wasteland. With a private block next to the main stage full of exclusive bars, fancy bathrooms and a secret garden that’s home to picnic benches and sun-drenched couches, you’ll never be more than five feet away from a model, whichever weekend you choose.

Headliners: Lady Gaga, Radiohead, Kendrick Lamar
Coachella.com – 14 & 23 April, VIP passes sold out but available on resale from £720

Primavera Sound, Barcelona

Best For: Serious Music Lovers

Primavera Sound may be lauded as having the best line-up of any festival in the world this year, but it’s what goes on after hours that takes it up a notch. Perfect for getting closer to the action, a VIP pass gains access to ‘Club Shows’, Primavera’s super-exclusive secret shows where headliners perform in intimate settings without the riff-raff. With half-price beers and cocktails, extensive seating areas and of course, the prerequisite luxurious bathrooms, it’s a recipe for la dulce vita.

Headliners: Arcade Fire, Bon Iver, Frank Ocean
PrimaveraSound.es – 31 May, VIP passes sold out but available on resale from £260

Lovebox, London

Best For: Hipster Hedonism

This year, the capital’s coolest festival has partnered with hipster magazine i-D for a Miami Beach-themed VIP extravaganza. Describing itself as Ocean Drive-meets-Frank Ocean, palm trees, cocktails and neon lights promise to bring some Florida fun to East London. On-site club The South Beach Shaker will host an additional line-up especially for premium ticket holders and a 1980s and ’90s soundtrack will keep everything on-brand. Better yet, there’s no camping, so you can even go home to your own bed afterwards.

Headliners: Frank Ocean, Jamie XX, Solange
Loveboxfestival.com – 14 July, VIP passes available in April, price TBC

Bonnaroo, Tennessee

Best For: Partying Like A Rockstar

For a taste of the Kanye West lifestyle, opt for Bonnaroo’s Roll Like A Rockstar package. This hyper-trendy tour bus sleeps eight and comes with a fridge fully stocked with whatever you request. It doesn’t stop there Mr Wannabe West; a champagne toast on arrival, gourmet catering throughout the weekend, grooming parlour and even a golf cart to zip around in to save your Yeezy’s from the dusty ground are all included.

Headliners: U2, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Weeknd
Bonnaroo.com – 8 June, VIP passes available from £675, Roll Like A Rockstar Package POA

Wireless, London

Best For: A Total Shutdown

When a day festival has a line-up this strong, the key is opting for a VIP package that swaps gimmicks and add-ons for helping you make the most of your time. The VIP village and chill-out area at Wireless is host to DJs throughout the weekend, while food and drink tokens, cloakrooms and luxury restrooms mean you can cut down on queues and get back to reciting all the words to ‘Shutdown’.

Headliners: Chance The Rapper, Skepta, The Weeknd
Wirelessfestival.co.uk – 7 July, daily VIP passes from £140

Tomorrowland, Belgium

Best For: EDMadness

Nothing will knacker you out quite like a dance music festival. And so unwinding in a poky tent surrounded by sweaty bodies is never going to cut it. Tomorrowland’s Mansions are set in a secluded woodland but within walking distance from the festival. What does five-star festivalling look like? Five ensuite bedrooms, a full fridge, lounge terrace, private garden, private butler and even an on-hand masseuse. That’s what.

Headliners: David Guetta, Tiesto, Martin Garrix
Tomorrowland.com – 21 July, VIP passes available from £295, Mansions POA

Latitude, Suffolk

Best For: Country Manners

The Latitude vibe is all about free love and harmony, so unsurprisingly it doesn’t offer a straightforward VIP package. That’s not to say that you can’t pimp your weekend, though. The Suffolk event offers a range of accommodation that’d put most estate agents to shame. The Summer Lodge sleeps two and comes with a double bed, full-whammy bathroom, electricity, private deck, dressing table and, wait for it, a wardrobe and hangers (hallelujah). Just because your ticket might not say VIP doesn’t mean you can’t act like it.

Headliners: The 1975, Mumford & Sons, Fleet Foxes
Latitudefestival.com – 13 July, tickets from £197, Summer Lodge £3310 for the weekend