Going rogue with your hair can be a dodgy game. We’re all for individuality, but when it comes to tresses, girls can be kinda brutal if they’re not digging a guy’s new hair. The reverse rules of: “Does my bum look big in this?” A: NO (always), just don’t apply here, apparently…

Almost a third (31%) prefer a messy, textured look

Over 70% of women would tell their partner if they didn’t like their hairstyle, according to a new survey by Remington Legends. Over two fifths of women like a short-back-and-sides kinda guy (42%), while almost a third (31%) prefer a messy, textured look.

But when it comes to the likes of out-there mullets, mohawks and tramlines, we draw the line. None of those aforementioned styles made the eligible hair lists, FYI.

iStock / Ridofranz

So, why are certain chops total hair mares – and why do women hate them?

It’s all about the au naturel look right now, according to Mathew Watt, director of Mathew Watt Hair: “A lot of faux pas hairstyles are really over-styled. This season, men’s hair trends are very soft, natural and messy looking – with not much product being used in them at all.”

Stand by for the styles that probably haven’t made the cut in your hair salon menu. With good reason.

Hairstyle: The Mullet

Notable Hair Mares: Hai, Pat Sharp – his mega-mullet made UK game show Fun House worth watching in the 90s. A style staple of the 80s (keep up, Pat), the mullet has been making a niche resurgence somewhere around Trendsville, East London…

Even Cristiano Ronaldo couldn’t pull off the mullet

Style Swerve: “It’s just a deeply unflattering cut,” says Andrea Gardner, founder of Andrea Cameren Hairdressing. “Short at the front and long at the back just doesn’t flatter a-n-y-o-n-e, and it always reminds me of a DIY haircut.”

iStock / Dizzy

Why Women Hate On It: “It’s just so unsexy,” Gardner says. “Even Cristiano Ronaldo couldn’t pull off the mullet – and that really says it all!”

Today’s Take: Ask for the casual pompadour instead; it’s like the cooler, sexier younger brother of the mullet.        

Hairstyle: The Spikes

Notable Hair Mares: Sonic the Hedgehog got away with them. Gareth Gates circa 2002 Brit reality TV show Pop Idol did not… Spikes swept the nation in the early 2000s and sales of immoveable gel went through the roof.

I can’t imagine a women wants to run her hand through solid spikes

Style Swerve: “Part of the reason spikes were a fail is because they were worn swamped with gel making the guy look like he’d been caught in some kind of monsoon,” says Jamie Stevens, founder of MR. Jamie Stevens haircare range and British Men’s Hairdresser of the Year. “This severe styling also left tons of visible scalp between the spikes, which is never a good look.”

iStock / qingwa

Why Women Hate On It: “I can’t imagine a women wants to run her hand through solid spikes,” Stevens says. 

Today’s Take: See ya, spikes. Modernized, textured hair with movement is the 2018 version to go for.

Hairstyle: The Bowl Cut

Notable Hair Mares: Not just for choirboys, nobody rocked a bowl cut like Bieber in his youth (ed’s note: like, three years ago then).

You just know a guy with a bowl cut probably still has a curfew.

Style Swerve: “The bowl cut is more of a past hairstyle but some people still sport this look today and it’s deeply unflattering,” says Carly Price, partner for Muse of London. “Due to the large amount of hair on the top of the head, it can weigh down your face and make you look tired.” And let’s not go there if you’re adding a dodgy hangover to the hair equation.

Why Women Hate On It: You just know a guy with a bowl cut probably still has a curfew. “The bowl cut is very old school, pretty uncool, and women hate it because it tends to look almost ‘wig-like’ and not at all like natural hair,” Price says.

iStock / jacktheflipper

Today’s Take: Don’t just take out your cake mixing bowl and snip. Ask a pro to add in layers to create more dimension so it’s not just a one-length cut.

Hairstyle: The Curtains

Notable Hair Mares: Okay, okay, their cute-as-a-button faces pulled them off but Leonardo DiCaprio and David Beckham were fully signed-up member of the Curtains Club.

It can look quite feminine and it tends to flap into men’s eyes a lot

Style Swerve: “Full-on curtains just don’t work as they’re heavy-looking and quite impractical – not to mention majorly outdated,” says Simon Hill, owner of Sesh Hairdressing. “To have longer sections of hair framing the face means the hair is constantly in your eyes and the guy is then touching it to remove it from his face.”

iStock / fauk74

Why Women Hate On It: “It can look quite feminine and it tends to flap into men’s eyes a lot, which is never very alluring,” says Hill.

Today’s Take: Forget the ruler-straight middle and try out a deeper side parting, styling your hair into a relaxed quiff.

Hairstyle: The Mohawk

Notable Hair Mares: David Beckham did it back in 2000 – until Sir Alex Ferguson demanded he shave it off…

iStock / plamensart

Style Swerve: “This hairstyle is always majorly overstyled, just to keep it vertical and defy gravity,” says Watt. “It’s very extreme and out-there, and definitely not for the faint-hearted.” Rebels/punks need only apply.

Why Women Hate On It: “The mohawk may have been cool in the 70s and 80s but nowadays it just looks like an attention-seeking hairstyle that may put women seriously off,” suggests Watt.

Today’s Take: For a similar shape with little upkeep, go for a ‘faux hawk’. It’s relatively easy to style with lots of texture.

Hairstyle: The Perm

Notable Hair Mares: Kevin Keegan took the 80s perm. Owned it. And still hasn’t lived it down.

Men generally aren’t the best at aftercare so that uber-frizz can easily get out of control

Style Swerve: “The iconic 80s man perm was far too extreme and led to over-processed, frizzy and damaged locks,” explains Tom Chapman, founder of the Lions Barber Collective and ambassador for The Bluebeards Revenge.

iStock / filadendron

Why Women Hate On It: “Men generally aren’t the best at aftercare so that uber-frizz can easily get out of control,” says Chapman. Word on the street: don’t expect to share an umbrella in a downpour.

Today’s Take: Curls are big news but today’s high-tech perms are way more subtle. Ask for movement through the top so it doesn’t look dated.

Hairstyle: The Frosted Tips

Notable Hair Mares: Go back to the Backstreet Boys in their 90s heyday for reference. AJ McLean and Justin Timberlake were clearly having peroxide battles instead of sing-offs.

The dark and light contrast is pretty drastic and very dated

Style Swerve: “Dark roots and highlighted, crispy blonde ends typified the look,” says Ross Charles, owner of Ross Charles Hairdressing. If hair was food, frosted tips would look a little like something overbaked and sickly you’d find at a fairground at the end of the night.

iStock / Juanmonino

Why Women Hate On It: Firstly, you’re considering spending longer in hair foils than us? Outrageous. “The dark and light contrast is pretty drastic and very dated – it’s a stark look, which would probably put women off,” says Charles.

Today’s Take: Subtle is the word. Use color to add lightness and depth to textured hair.

Hairstyle: The Tramlines

Notable Hair Mares: *raps* All right stop, collaborate and listen. Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer owned the hip-hop charts and tramline look. In Ice’s case, teamed with a Mr Whippy high quiff.

Come on, it looks a bit like a crap hair tattoo.

Style Swerve: “This is a look that can work well with certain styles, but go too tribal or too intricate and it’s game over – approach with caution,” advises Dean Jones, owner of Dean Jones Hairdressing.

Why Women Hate On It: Come on, it looks a bit like a crap hair tattoo. If we wanted to color in your head, we’d just ask. “It requires a lot of maintenance to remain fresh and clean-looking, which can get annoying,” Dean adds.

iStock / PeskyMonkey

Today’s Take: Tramlines have now been modernized to just one single, clean line paired with a skin fade or taper.

Hairstyle: The Trump-Over

Notable Hair Mares: Other than DT himself? The 20-foot-tall Trump Baby blimp, because nobody else has ever dared to wear the uber-combover without taking off.

If you’re losing your hair and it’s that obvious, it’s time to take it short. It’s for the best, guys

Style Swerve: “Donald Trump’s hairstyle is a complete mystery to me, and probably all other hairstylists,” says Chapman. “I feel like he’s going for that scissor-cut contoured look – like a modern-day Cary Grant – but failed, majorly. He has a very unique hair growth pattern!”

iStock / bowie15

Why Women Hate On It: Let’s not start a list. Okay, let’s: the style, the yellowness, the sweep – it’s all baffling. “I think it’s because it appears he may be trying to hide something, like maybe baldness,” Chapman suggests, “If you’re losing your hair and it’s that obvious, it’s time to take it short. It’s for the best, guys.”

Today’s Take: Just. Don’t.