‘New Rave’ was a national embarrassment. Neon face paint. Painfully tight jeans. Printed hoodies best left to a CBeebies presenter. And worst of all, we actually wore it. But we’ve since grown beyond (and would rather forget) trends set by bands with names like Cansei de Ser Sexy.

And it’s not just our skin that’s cleared up. While most of New Rave’s trappings are best left to old copies of NME, there is one saving grace: sloganwear. But before you suffer ‘Save The Rave’ bouts of PTSD, the mid-noughties albatross has mellowed with us thanks to Vetements and Gucci. And thankfully, no mention of a rave scene that was long dead before we’d even first dabbled with White Lightning.

Ron Dorff Discipline Sweatshirt

If you’re on the harsh end of gym-bunny accusations, Ron Dorff has your back. The pro-discipline jumper is a minimalist shield to any would-be insult. Just remember to keep quality cotton out of the locker room.

Available at Ron Dorff, priced £105.

Ron Dorff Sweatshirt Discipline

Gucci Ghost Sweatshirt

Less a slogan piece, more an exclusive graphic collaboration with Brooklyn artist Trevor AKA Trouble Andrew, all mounted upon luxury cotton jersey with striped woollen trims. As is the Gucci way.

Available at Gucci, priced £510.

GucciGhost Sweatshirt

Justin Bieber Purpose Tour Mesh V-Neck T-shirt

Nobody can question Justin Bieber’s successful rebrand. And while we can’t make excuses for spitting on fans and general arseholery, his new merch is strong stuff – think nu-metal vibes with Yeezy-like branding. Nothing eenie meenie here.

Available at Urban Outfitters, priced £55.

Justin Bieber Purpose Tour Mesh V-Neck T-shirt

Kit Neale Bill Clinton T-Shirt

Consider yourself a Democrat but can’t quite shake those deleted emails? Endorse Hillary’s man instead with the Kit Neale Bill Clinton tee. Anything but a ‘Make America Great Again’ baseball cap.

Available at Kit Neale, priced £25.

Kit Neale Bill Clinton T-Shirt

Art Disco Happy Daze Print T-Shirt

If you like your raves heavy but your threads muted, Art Disco has reinvented Madchester tees in a simpler shell. Same idea, just fewer blatant narcotic references.

Available at Topman, priced £25.

ART DISCO Happy Daze Print Long Sleeve T-Shirt

PS By Paul Smith Lip Up Slogan T-Shirt

‘Forty Licks’ tribute or a nod to a little-known reggae band called Bad Manners? Not sure. But at least we can trust in Paul Smith’s signature craftsmanship and colourful disposition – two things very much present.

Available at House of Fraser, priced £60.

PS By Paul Smith Slim Fit Lip Up Slogan Print T Shirt

Undefeated Slogan T-Shirt

Struggle to keep yourself in check at Sunday five-a-sides? Swerve the red card with Undefeated’s rather, erm, punchy tee. Maybe take a change of clothes for church though.

Available at Van Mildert, priced £18.

Undefeated Slogan T Shirt

ASOS Rainbow Text Back Print T-Shirt

Does it get more meta than this? ASOS’ slogan tee nods to our New Rave youth. But that was all just a rebrand of the generations it followed. And technically, most New Rave survivors are still in their youth. Our heads hurt. But this balance of staple and colour pop doesn’t.

Available at ASOS, priced £16.

ASOS Longline T-Shirt In Textured Flock With Rainbow Text Back Print