Ladies’ Man; Noun – a man who is fond of, attentive to, and successful with women.
With the risk of sounding like I might have just burned a bra, at some point in the evolution process, our MANbrains decide to move south and settle down in the wonderful Costa Del Penis. As much as we hate to admit it, essentially, everything a modernMAN does in his life is for the fairer sex (or the same sex depending on your preference).
There is not a chance in hell; for example, that I’d have even attempted that drunken 720-degree head spin last night if I didn’t think a prospective girlfriend would love my primitive display. She didn’t in case you were wondering. The point is that I didn’t do it for fun. No, I did it because my inebriated brain thought it was the sort of thing a ladiesMAN might do – perhaps a ladiesMAN who was trying to make up for the fact that he had given the money he should have spent buying her drinks with, to a Nigerian fellow in the toilet in exchange for Armani and the promise of “poonaani”. Perhaps.
The way a modernMAN behaves can have a dramatic effect on his luck with women. According to my female friends, getting drunk on a night out to the point where you can barely produce comprehensible English is rarely attractive. But as modernMEN, we should already know this – shouldn’t we? Any fan of the 2000 Mel Gibson classic ‘What Women Want’, knows that you would have to be the victim of a freak accident involving tights, electric shocks and hairdryers to truly understand how to conduct yourself around the female species. And even I have my doubts as to whether that would help. The same friend that gave me the above tip also told me she often throws aside men she deems “too nice” – how this is possible is beyond me. I might try and contact Mel, see if he knows.
As well as being expected to behave in a gentlemanly fashion, we are now expected to actually look good too – talk about greedy. I hate the gym; it is a playground for men that look like their torsos might burst. Unfortunately, I’ve heard the phrase, “I wouldn’t mind if you got fat” so many times now that it can’t possibly be true, so I feel I have to go. I wouldn’t mind if I actually saw some results for my effort. I once ran twenty minutes on a treadmill and didn’t even get a six-pack. What the hell is a man to do? In all seriousness, the blokes that girls see on Calvin Klein posters set the bar so high that it makes your average man on the street look like Onslow from ‘Keep up Appearances’. Thanks Calvin’s of the world. Annoyingly, girls prefer men that go to the gym – that is a fact. If Daniel Craig were beheaded, he would be considered even more attractive – there is your proof.
It seems to me that the entire concept of the metrosexualMAN has been invented to make modernMEN more attractive to modern women. The term ‘male grooming’ didn’t even exist beyond the extent of soap 20 years ago. These days you are considered a fool if you fail to plan your day around it. Fake tan is one example – I have only done it once, but my god did I enjoy it! I even took a picture, so I could look at how tanned I once looked and pretend it was real. Unfortunately, and somewhat predictably, several girls thought I looked ridiculous, which is probably the only reason I haven’t tried it again. Spoil sports.
So here are a collection of recommended grooming products which have consistently been voted best in their class by experts and the general public. When I started to create these picks for you all, I noticed just HOW much men have to consider these days; everything from your hair and body hair, to hands, nails and feet are expected to look great – it’s a wonder we get anything done anymore!
Editor: For the Mankind products selected below you can get 10% OFF with our exclusive discount code: MKBEANS
This was the second in the series of Michael’s ramblings on trying to becoming a realMAN. You can see the first in the series about dadMAN by clicking here. Get involved in the comments and share your personal thoughts about what it takes to be successful with women; the trials and tribulations you have gone through, embarrassing stories you may have about trying to impress someone, and how it all came together for you in the end.
Remember that the series is just a bit of fun and addition to our regular fashion articles, so get involved and share your personal tips… Who knows, you may just help out poor Michael.
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