There are always two sides to every story, they say, and it seems when it comes to sex, neither is staying secret.

A new study by extramarital-dating-site-cum-homewrecker-hub Victoria Milan has finally uncovered exactly what women say about you following a session in the sheets. Gird your loins.

Oral ability tops the survey of 8,000 active members, but not in the way you might think. The results revealed it’s your chat that often makes the group Whatsapp first, with British, Spanish and French women particularly prone to recounting dirty talk. So whether you’re a nervous Nick or should be charging £3.60 a minute on a steamy hotline; rest assured (or not), people will know.

Then there’s the when and where of doing the deed, details spilt by 19 per cent of females as soon as you’re out of earshot. Bedroom, bathroom, alleyway, nearest toilet; if you’d rather people didn’t find out, we’d suggest keeping it vanilla.

Stamina closely follows, exposed by 14 per cent, then smell and taste in fourth place. We don’t need to elaborate on that.

There’s good news for the phallically-challenged fella, only 10 per cent discuss your size, the same amount that tends to reveal your manscaping habits.

So next time you’re down the pub bragging about adding another notch to the bedpost with a puffed-out chest and a new follower on Instagram, remember: chances are she’s doing exactly the same.