Along with dragons and disembowelments, Game of Thrones features a lot of sex. It’s probably the last thing on earth you’d suggest watching when your parents come to visit. The entire series is basically a string of incest, orgies and soft porn, albeit with an excellent story of fantasy, war and backstabbing in the bits in between.
And since GoT isn’t always a show to play it safe, it has inevitably had its fair share of criticism for some of its more controversial scenes. The level of raunch in the first few seasons was so high, it was even reported that porn stars were called in to get the jobs done that the actors refused to do themselves.
As season 7 makes its long-awaited bow, here some of the standout sex scenes throughout the entire six series to date, from the romantic to the plain bonkers. Look through and remind yourself that in this show, it’s not just winter that’s coming.
The Weird Lannister Love-in
Season 1, Episode 1
In this scene, twins Jaime and Cersei get it on in an abandoned tower before Bran stumbles upon them mid-act and makes the whole thing awkward. As if the whole incest thing didn’t make it weird enough already. Then, Jaime pushes Bran out of the window in order to keep the secret under wraps. Total mood-killer.
Sex Education In The Seven Kingdoms
Season 1, Episode 2
This comes after Khaleesi’s marriage to Khal Drogo, and a less than intimate wedding night between them. There’s technically no sex in this particular scene, but handmaiden Doreah gives Daenerys a lesson on how to pleasure her new husband, with a thorough demonstration. Always good to have a tutor.
Daenerys Seduces Drogo
Season 1, Episode 2
Dany puts Doreah’s tips to good use, turning her new husband from a brute who’s only interested in doggy-style to the kind of caring lover who’d light some candles and put a bit of Michael Bolton on first.
Bath Time For Viserys And Doreah
Season 1, Episode 4
The Targaryen and Doreah get hot and steamy in more ways than one in this scene when they get it on in a bath. There are even some candles in the background to add to the romance. It’s almost enough to make you feel sad that Viserys got killed off soon after. But not really.
Season 1, Episode 7
Now this is probably one of the most excruciating scenes you could ever watch in front of your parents. It’s long, it’s weird, and it’s intense. In it, brothel owner Lord Baelish instructs his prostitutes how to fake it, while he watches as they pleasure each other.
Theon, Meet Yara
Season 2, Episode 2
This episode shows Theon reach into Yara’s breaches while they both ride on the back of the same horse. What he doesn’t know at the time is that the lucky girl is actually the sister he hasn’t seen since childhood. Gutted.
The Red Lady And The King
Season 2 Episode 2
Another scene from the same episode involves Stannis and Melisandre, who have passionate sex on a table. So passionate, in fact, that a) Stannis doesn’t have time to remove his coat first; and b) the offspring it produces is a weird shadow baby that can be ordered to kill your enemies. Should have worn protection, mate.
Renly And Loras Talk Strategy
Season 2, Episode 3
This steamy scene features knight Loras Tyrell and Renly Baratheon in a heartwarming exchange of conversation and blow jobs.
Festival Sex In Westeros
Season 2, Episode 8
When a table, a bath or a horse aren’t available, the floor will have to do. In this scene Robb and Talisa make love on the ground of a tent, Glastonbury-style. This isn’t just sex though, it’s the start of a beautiful relationship that has ‘Happy Ever After’ written all over it. Oh, wait…
Jon Snow Caves In
Season 3, Episode 5
If you’ve ever wondered what cave sex looks like, this is the scene for you. Night’s Watchman Jon Snow breaks his vow of celibacy to have sex with wildling woman Ygritte in what must be chilly conditions, despite the roaring fire.
When Threesomes Go Wrong
Season 3, Episode 7
Horribly, horribly wrong. When poor, stupid Theon is released from the torture rack by two beautiful women who want to have sex with him, there must be part of him that thinks it’s too good to be true. Which of course it is, because Ramsay soon turns up and cuts off his penis with a knife.
Melisandre Ties Up Gendry
Season 3, Episode 8
Bondage is a lot darker in Westeros than it ever was in Fifty Shades. In this scene, Melisandre seduces Gendry, ties the poor lad up and you can forget about paddles and nipple clamps – she gets leeches out. Kinky.
The Queen Issues An Order
Season 4, Episode 7
Daenerys summons Daario to her bedroom and orders him to take his clothes off in this scene, as she sits with a drink and watches him undress. Well, they don’t have Netflix in GoT, so what else is there to keep them entertained on a quiet evening?
The Most Adventurous Sex In The Entire Series
Season 5, Episode 7
In the depraved world of Westeros, normal, boring missionary sex is positively original. So hats off to Daenery and Daario who make love here in – shock, horror! – a bed. Ban this filth!